Bizarre Japanese Toys

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Road kill kitty and more fun toys from Japan to delight children of all ages.

Creepy Doll Clones

The coolest thing those crazy Japanese kids are doing is having their head cloned and put on doll bodies. We kid you not. They aren’t real cloned heads mind you, but the kind that come out of 3D printers. The result is an extremely realistic and creepy head put atop a marionette style doll body. So other than preserving your youth in doll form, we can’t imagine why anyone would shell out 1000 plus dollars for this. Maybe you always wanted a twin? Or to stare at your own face all day long? Whatever the purpose we are pretty weirded out by this whole thing. Dolls should look fake like raggedy Ann, not an ageless copy of your mid twenties self.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Golden Melting Pig

The Lokuloku Pig Toy is basically indestructible. You can melt or squish it into a puddle and it magically transforms back into its strange golden toy self. Those Japanese and their crazy technology. What kind of lesson does it teach young kids that chose to play with this thing. Stick mommy’s head in the oven, but don’t worry it will regain its original shape with no harm done. We hope there is a recommended age level on the box. Why a pig? Why not a tadpole or something that looks less distributing when it morphs. Either way it does seems fun to play with. We see a good half hour of fun here, so Lokuloku, missioned accomplished.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Cuddly Little Microbes

Who needs teddy bears and ponies when you can make stuffed versions of cute little microbes and various hostile germ invaders. These Japanese stuffed cell invaders are strangely cute. It must be the large googly eyes. They look like they could almost be stuff found in the ocean depths like coral or shrimp. Guess it’s one way for kids to learn their biology. “Don’t hug little protozoa too tight hunny, he might invade your immune system, haha.” The makers of these plush odd-balls must be a Japanese pharmaceutical company. Start em young and they’ll know the value of good health. And how anything can be cute in stuffed animal form.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

It Was Made In His Image

Three words we never thought we’d see together. God Jesus Robot. And certainly not on a kid’s plaything. In 1980′s Japan, instead of just playing with a toy, kids could purchase the holiest of Robots. They could ask the GJ Robot a question and he would render his decision while brandishing a sword with a cross on the end of it. Kind of like a magic eight ball for the Star Wars Christian set. We’re sure that the person who came up with this meant well, but it’s more effective as a prank than a real toy. People would probably pay a lot of money to get their hands on one of these today. We’ll let it slide thought because it was the 80′s and Robot God knows what a screwed up decade that was.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

This Kitty Didn’t Make It

This is just messed up. Roadkill and children’s toys should never be joined, ever. This rubber mould of a cat with its guts spilling out after supposedly being hit by a car is sold in Japan. We aren’t sure what’s more disturbing. The toy itself or the look of joy on the kid’s face shown on the package. Do they just really hate cats? Hopefully this is a one off and not part of a series of roadkill related fun. How is a kid supposed to play with this anyway? Grab a toy car and run it over? Way to create future psychopaths Asian toy maker. Toying with death in any way is always a bad idea.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

A Presidential Plaything

U.S. President Barack Obama is worthy of action figure status overseas. His natural good looks and tailored suits make him a James Bond type figure in Japan. He also comes with his own arsenal including a gun, sword, stool and fancy American Flag. He’s armed and ready to conquer Darth Vader and anyone else who gets in his way. It seems strange that Japanese children would want to play with an action figure depicting a U.S. president. Wouldn’t that toy be more suited to American kids? Perhaps they just like his focused gaze and blue tie. And are those interchangeable hands?? The pointed finger ones should really get the message across. What that is, we have no idea.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Dream Cat Venus

This kitty is the most life like toy imaginable. It purrs, licks itself and meows just like the real thing. In fact we wouldn’t even be surprised if it took little deuces in a fake litter box. The Japanese are great with technology and here they make the Western equivalent, Go Go My Walkin Pup, look like a piece of garbage. Dream Cat Venus is so realistic with its facial expressions that you’d swear it was a real cat. It purrs, rolls on its side when petted and squints with delight when you scratch under its chin. You know, just like an actual cat which you can adopt at a local shelter. What’s the point of this toy when the real thing is cheaper and wait for it… real. Maybe if you had severe allergies and were desperate for a pet, we could see a reason for buying this. Still, it seems like a costly waste of space when there are so many kitties that need good homes.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Weird Little Water Floater

Just what everyone needs, toys for the water bottle. The toy giants have come up with every kind of water holder possible. It was only natural that it would progress to items to put in your thirst quencher. These little Japanese squids appear to float towards the top of your drink, dangling their little tentacles behind them. One could scare the bejesus out of someone who wasn’t expecting a toy cephalopod in their bottle. Let’s hope they are big enough to avoid getting swallowed. That would make a nice class action lawsuit. Waiter, there’s a toy squid in my water.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

H-Bouya USB Toy

This little USB baby likes to monitor what you do online. When you plug him in he reacts to what you type. If your intentions are less than pure, you may just get a wide eyed blink of disbelief. The Japanese “hentai” which means perverted will make this little baby react. Also by simply typing the letter H, you’ll make this USB babe sad. He doesn’t want you to associate with any naughty websites. Can you imagine how many blinks of disbelief this little dude would get in a frat house? Or hooked into 90 percent of male owned computers. Careful innocent USB, you might just get burned out.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Shippo The Wagging Tail aka Tailly

From the inventors of the most realistic robot cat ever, and the roadkill rubber cat comes the attachable wagging tail, Tailly. It’s the perfect accessory for the modern cool kid/ pet lover. Tailly responds to the wearer’s heart rate, using sensors on the inside of the connected belt. The tail wags when the wearer gets pumped and their heart rate rises. When it slows, the tail also calms down with gentler wags. This is your chance to get the tail you’ve always dreamed of. Admit, you know you want one. This is way better than Jason’s Alexander’s gross tail in Shallow Hall. This one is furry!

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Little Soybean Keychain

You know that awesome feeling you get from popping bubble wrap? Well the clever folks in Japan have found a way to recreate that sensation with the popular edamane bean toy. You get pop out the little beans and put them back at your leisure. One of them gives a surprise with a little happy face. We could do this for hours. Plus it looks neat hanging alongside your keys. So much better than the disappointment of finishing a piece of bubble wrap. Sure it’s fun, but you’re left with a limp piece of useless plastic. Little Edamane pod is the gift that keeps on giving.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

A Game of Finger In The Box

The Tuttuki Bako Finger Game Box has cornered a non existent market for hand held video games. You know, the genre where a person has to participate by inserting their finger in the game in order to play. It’s kind of a cool concept but how exciting can it really be? The most your finger can do with this game is poke at a stick person, flick a panda bear or prod someone in the face. Might be the most irritating game out there. We wonder if this is a one size fits all kind of game. Could other parts be substituted? Oh, don’t act like you haven’t considered it.

Bizarre Japanese Toys

Baby Doll Cries For Real

This little Japanese doll cries tears when it’s injected with a needle. Just like real kids! Why would anyone want to recreate such a brutal event in doll form? Sure we get the appeal for kids wanting realistic playthings. But getting a needle is one of the more traumatic things that happens in childhood. It’s something you want to forget, not immortalize through a doll. What’s next, baby gets her tonsils out, with real anesthetic? Just don’t inhale kids!

Bizarre Japanese Toys

The Lucky Poo Fairy Plush Toy

The Japanese Unko-san Poo Fairy is the latest anime cartoon to go viral with high school girls in western Japan. “Unko-san is a brown poo fairy who has the special power of being able to bestow good luck upon others less fortunate.” Where to even begin with this. The fact that this thing exists is bad enough, but even worse that they made plush poo fairy toys for all the girls to play with. Who buys this stuff? Do you need the big P and the three turds to complete your lucky collection? Weird, strange, bizarre… there aren’t enough words in the dictionary to convey this properly. Makes the tooth fairy look pretty darn normal.

Bizarre Japanese Toys


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